Its Good to be an Expat

So today was not a bad day at the office. It is the weekend before the Mid-Autumn Festival, and everyone is at work on a Sunday. Apparently in China they make up for their holidays by working the weekends. I believe that there would be country-wide uproar if they tried to do that in the US. But alas, I come to China not to live like a western, but to live like a Chinese.

I will start this story from the beginning. Yesterday I officially moved into my new place in the Laoximen (near city-center). We were invited for a drink or so with my new friend, Rory, who just moved into my old apartment building, but passed to go out with my new roommate, Burken. Burken has been living in China for the last four months without a job, and so he knows where the free alcohol is. So when he said that there were free drinks for a bar nearby, we jumped at the chance (sorry Rory).

So we hopped into a cab and headed over to the bar. There, we met Berken’s friends, Brett and Andres. They met a few months earlier in a hostel. Throughout the night, Brett & Andres were chatting up with some Shanghai women, who spoke both fluent English as well as Spanish. They worked in the Spanish Consulate. We had all gathered at the bar to celebrate the bar’s 7^th anniversary with free drinks until 10. From there, these nice ladies invited us to the Airplane Bar where we were promised a free bottle of vodka. (Honestly, Berken is a good person to have around when you’re on a budget). But before we fly, I must tell you about my first experience at an expat bar.

This bar was the only place of all of China that I have seen more white people than Chinese. They were from all over – United State, France, Spain, Ireland, Italy, etc. Of course I only found those from the US. But these people were just as friendly as the Chinese people I’ve met. They’re so excited to be able to speak English to people from back home. They came from all over the place, namely, Michigan, Pennsylvania, Montana, & Alaska. Even when I randomly started a conversation with some girls outside the bar they were very eager to meet the people I was with. (Burken looked very please at the introduction because these were girls were very attractive. I think I got some good roommate points.) And so by the end of happy hour, I hope that I made a few new friends. And we had fun. Next we jetted to Airplane bar. It was lame, it was empty, but it was good music and a free bottle. No one figured that Kristin and I were sisters… even though we danced a like, talked a like, etc. So, our friend’s new game was “Guess who is older” and remarkably, I was chosen as the younger. But after about an hour, we headed back home to bed. I unfortunately had work in the morning.

And that is when I woke up 5 hours later to go to work. Keep in mind that I had not eaten anything more than a Danish that day and I was drinking vodka and OJ. I paced myself on this fact (at Kristin’s advisement) but even still I was a little tipsy after 2 ½ drinks. I fell asleep worried about rumors of “fake” alcohol, which is not much better than rubbing alcohol and leaves you with the worst hangover. Fortunately, I woke up with limited difficulty. In fact, I may make drinking before bed a habit because it just might be the solution to falling asleep on my rock-hard mattress. (Traci, the pile of sheep did not fix anything).

And so I decided to leave 1 hour and 15 minutes to try to find some smidge of breakfast and perhaps even coffee (I was really reaching with that one… the Chinese generally don’t drink coffee) before for the ride uptown. As I entered the subway, I went through security and pulled out my metro card to find that I had a negative balance. It seemed that I guessed incorrectly as to which card was mine this morning. I was supposed to have 87 kuai on my card. Kristin had -1. So I decided to be a lovely sister and refill her card… except the machine was not taking bills. I also could not get a single-trip card because that machine was only taking coin. So I ended up going to the counter to refill my card. Thank god the lady understood that when I gave her cash and a card means to refill it, because I had no idea how to say that in Chinese.

And as the moments ticked away, my chances of coffee were dwindling. I got to the subway platform to the sound of a lovely intercom informing me that the trains were packed, please spread out and hope for the best. So I was not surprised when the train arrived a minute later and there was hardly enough room for me to get on. This is what I have to look forward to for the next 2 months. But none-the-less, after People’s Square (2 stops away) I was able exhale, and even find a seat a few stops after that. I arrived at Huangxing Park with a half hour to go, and after the 15 minute walk, I made my way up to my building with plenty of time.

I was greeted by Libon when I walked in, asking how Zhujiajiao was. It truly was wonderful besides the fact that we didn’t eat all day because I was very intimidated at what they were serving as food. He asked me if I bought anything, and I showed him my shoes. He asked how much and he looked at me with open eyes when I revealed that I paid 75 kuai for them (hey – its only like $12 and they’re super cute). He informed me that they should have cost 15 kuai. Damn, I really need to get better at this bargaining thing.

Next we discussed lunch and the possibility of contacting potential customers. Then I went onto Facebook and I wish my beautiful Amy a Happy Birthday. At 11 we ordered lunch and I surfed the web. I did spend about 10 minutes drafting and correcting a letter for Libon to send to a list of potential customers. Then I went back to AIM/g-chat. Libon also taught me ma few words in Chinese. Yes, that is truly my day.

But after lunch I was surprised with some moon cake and grapes. Two things on grapes: 1. They peal their grapes here. I haven’t seen anyone peel a grape since my sister decided to do it when she was younger to show how picky of an eater she was. It seems that no one eats the skin here, except me. 2. The grapes are HUGE, and also the first fruit I have had in this country. I hope I survive.

After the grapes I was told the story about the upcoming Mid-Autumn Festival. It is celebrated in the time of the year where the moon is completely round and the largest it will seem all year. It is a time of the year where families come together from all over the country to be with each other and celebrate. Since the moon is whole for this one day of the year, so should the family. It made me want to go home and be with mine even more. I miss you guys back in the states. Think of me when you look up at the beautiful moon on Wednesday.

Ok. Now, back to g-chat, Facebook and BBC.

Hump Day Boredom

There are days that I intrigued by my job and China and everything that this internship experience has to offer. Other days, I am bored stiff and looking for what to do. It is completely unfortunate that I have nothing to do at my job. I like to be productive! How quickly did I create that website? How eager was I to take the next step? It can even be something repetitive and mind numbing like making phone calls or filing or accounting, but at least I’m doing something. I don’t feel useless…

But unfortunately, this is what I’m plagued with today. Even upon inquiry, I have nothing to do. I’m supposed to write letters… but I’m not told what the point of these letters. The website is not finalized so I don’t know what information I’m supposed to be referencing and what I need to add, etc. I’m not a miracle worker… and I’ve only been here for 2 weeks! So I just sit here… and read BBC and shop for shoes (and I want them all… and at about $5-$50 each pair I may get them all.) But honestly, I can be doing so much in this lovely city – even just taking a look around!

And do you know what amazes me? That I can “explore” a section and completely miss it… but Kristin decides to explore and see so much cool stuff! I don’t know how she does it, but that girl has a gift… and she’s pretty snazzy at the camera too. Now, I just have to find time to follow her around so that I can find all the cool, interesting aspects of Shanghai as well.

The few days I have off we decided to go to some small towns right outside Shanghai. Troost went to them and he approved… so this must be good. J A ferry, a bus and a train to 2 cities in 3 days should be intense… got to catch up on my sleep now. Too bad I can’t nap at work… God knows that there isn’t much else I’m doing.

Xin Shen

I feel like it’s justified to have an entire entry devoted to this kid name Xin (pronounced Shin). Ever since I met this kid my life got a little more interesting.

Xin is Mr. Shen’s (my boss, the GM of the company) cousin. He stopped in one day and stayed for about an hour just chatting with Mr. Shen and I. He was a nice guy, and what is better that he just came back from a 3 year stint in New York. He lived in Flushing and went to Queens College. He knew what BJs is and what exit off the LIE I lived. Even though his English was not perfect, it was nice to talk to some that knew my neck of the woods.

So he gave me his card and told me that if I ever wanted to be shown around to give him a call. Most people did that for me… it is sweet but I’m far too shy just to take someone up on their offer, especially when I hardly knew them. But for Xin it was a little different. We talked all about NY, how he followed his girlfriend there and perhaps going back in a year or so. We talked about Chinese food in China vs Chinese food in America, and he knew that I did not want to try fish heads, even when I said I wanted to try traditional Chinese cuisine. We got along, and it was nice nice to have a new friend.

So when Xin said that another one of his friends just came back from New York and they were going to throw a party, I was quite excited. I gave him my phone number and told him to give me the details. Shortly after he texted me to get my MSN name. And then he called me because I didn’t see his MSN friend request. And then he messaged me on. When he signed off Mr. Shen messaged me to tell me that he was having problems with MSN. Why is my boss messaging me to tell me his cousin was having problems with his computer? That’s just weird, right? I was just going about my daily life… kind of bored, granted, because there was not much work to be done… but I wasn’t asking for this kid to keep in constant contact with me!

And so then a little while later he signed on again and was super chatty. It wouldn’t have been so bad except that the font he was using was not letters, it was not Chinese characters… it was one of those random shape fonts that you have to copy & paste and change the font to read. Super annoying. That and he used a mixture of broken English and slang… so at times it was pretty confusing. It was like a game: guess what I’m trying to say.

And then he started to hit on me. L Libon asked me how old he was and I didn’t know, so I decided to ask him. He had me guessed a little younger than me because he just finished college. So I guessed 22… and I was wrong. He said he was much older, so I guessed 27. Wrong again. He told me he was 31.

I have come to realize that sometimes they like to play these games… the ‘lets see if the American can figure out I’m lying to her’ games… and so I called his bluff. HE ended up admitting that he was 25… and me at 23 (year of the tiger, boys & girls) was the perfect age for him. And here I’m thinking that this kid is head over heals for a girl back in the States! What is he calling me ‘the perfect age for him’ for?!

Upon inquiry, he tried to explain to me what happened with his ex. They had broken up because of parental issues. How he explained it was that her mother tried to sell her, and his father did not want to buy. I may have misunderstood, because I didn’t know that there were still dowries in this country!… but this one of the many reasons why I do not want to get involved with a Chinese man! So, I dropped the boyfriend card. It is a handy little card that us females are able to drop, whether true or not, to let those young men know we are not available to them. I do not want to play the “I’m just not interested in you” game with my boss’s cousin. Best just not be available.

And so, he took note, and we continued to talk. He told me that his cousin wanted us to hang out because I am all on my own here without friends, and I am not paid enough so might as well show me a good time. Frankly, I’d prefer a pay increase. I was also told that since I was a girl, I needed to be cared for and entertained. It was a sweet thought for someone who doesn’t know me – I know that his heart was in the right place – but as the feminist that I am, I know I do not need to be coddled. I am grateful for people trying to help, but I don’t need to be looked after. I’m a female of 23 years old – I’m an adult, and I’ll do just fine taking care of myself… but I did not say that. I am in a foreign country and they’re trying to show me hospitality… I should accept it, right?

So after a long chat, I left work and headed home. I was not feeling so hot, tummy ache and head ache… so I headed straight home for a nap. After a while I realized that I was down to my last piece of bread and no milk. Even though I wasn’t hungry, I knew that I would be hungry tomorrow… and I had no milk for cereal (one of the three meals that I make for myself). So I got my butt up and dressed and made my way to the supermarket. Each time I visit the damn place I feel like they offer more and more. Today I discovered the beauty isle (where I was able to pick up some mouse) and the fresh produce section. They even have some fruits and veggies imported, which I’m sure my mother would like to hear!

And then things get even more interesting… I get back from the supermarket and I see that I have a missed call from Xin. So I send him a text saying I’m sorry that I missed his call, whats up? And he calls me again and tells me that he made reservations for the club(?). We are apparently going to go out to dinner with his cousin (my boss, who does not speak any English) and his cousin’s girlfriend… just the four of us. I was confused and flabbergasted! When I said yes to this little meeting originally, he said that he was going to a party to celebrate his friend coming from New York. Who is this friend and why isn’t he joining us?

I feel like I was tricked. I hate being tricked… and I certainly don’t want to go on a date! L “Perhaps it’s not what I think.” I try to tell myself… “It could just be a few people hanging out with the intention of just being friendly.” But at last I finally circum to the possibility that it is exactly what I think. And there is no way of getting out of it. I cannot cancel on my boss. That would be incredibly disrespectful to someone who has been nothing but nice to me. And at the worse it is just one night of awkwardness.

I feel like I’m the only one who’d get their self into a situation like this. How did I get myself into such a mess?!

Only in China...

So... as I turn the corner of the park while walking home from the subway, I come across a man that I could have sworn was sleepwalking. He wore a white undershirt and bright red briefs with blue trim. Unfortunately, I noticed that they were form-fitting. He was lazily walking backwards for a few feet… and at my normal New Yorker pace I was steadily catching up to him. I didn’t know what to do – I didn’t want to stare but I didn’t want to advert my eyes because that it just as awkward as staring. I felt like I walked into one of those bad dreams where you go out in public and forgot your pants. And then all of the sudden he turned around and jogged away. ... Only in China.

But before this interesting aspect of Chinesehood, my day was rather successful. I accepted that my job had a lot of free time. My boss did not come in until 2:30 in the afternoon, so Libon took the opportunity to teach me more Chinese. In between lessons, I caught up on my current events on BBC and researched Chinese language lessons. I got out at exactly 5:30, and hurried to my apartment to get changed. I was meeting the landlady at 6:30 in town and I did not want to be late.

I should have expected this transaction not to go smoothly. I received a call from Peter (the agent who set me up with the internship and housing) the day before to ask how my first day went. Next, he asked me about the apartment. He wanted to know my final answer of whether I was moving. I said I wanted it. He told me I had to make a deposit of about 300-500 yuan so that they would hold my place. I thought that was reasonable. I made an appointment to drop off the money the next day. Should be easy, right?

Wrong. I get on a subway at exactly 6 pm. I am told it is a 15 min ride to Laoximen. Wrong again. I get off the subway at 6:25 and hurry into the apartment complex. The gate is locked. The guard speaks no English. I make a few hand gestures and am allowed entrance somehow. I make it to the apartment building at exactly 6:30. BUt there was no one there. I try to go up to the room but the building is locked. So I wait.

After waiting a few minutes I try to call Peter. I messaged him earlier to confirm the meeting place but he never got back to me. Of course he doesn’t pick up his phone. So I wait some more. Then I try to ask a few friendly people if they know where I can find the landlady/manager. One (cute, tall) Finnish man (with his parents) actually called his placement agent and had me on the phone with her. She was shocked that I was sent to this apartment alone. I finally got in contact with Amia (Peter’s assistant?) who spoke to the landlord. He was waiting for me in the room (that I could not get into). He would come get me.

This guy did not speak a word of English. He wanted me to follow him, but I did not know why. He wanted me to give him an unrecognizable amount of money. (Why couldn’t a calculator be around?) Apparently it was more than 500 RMB. Flustered, I followed the man up to the apartment where I met my future roommate. His name was Bradlet (?) and he was Montana. His Chinese was very good but he was very happy to hear someone speak English. I could tell that I would enjoy him as a roommate. There were 3 other people in the room… I’m not really sure who they were. I was a little distracted trying to find out how much money I was supposed to give the man.

With Amia on the phone again, I found out he wanted 1000 yuan. I was not carrying 1000 yuan. In NY, carrying $1000 would be a sure way to getting mugged, so I was not in the habit of carrying large amounts of currency in a large city. Apparently no one could grasp this fact. The landlord wanted the money or he was going to give away the room. I asked many times if I could bring it tomorrow until they agreed. I also convinced Amia to meet me so that it could go a little bit smoother the next time.

By the time I got out of there, I was running late for my meeting with Jeremy, an American guy who just finished up his 6 month internship. We were supposed to get coffee not so far away. So I ran. I literally ran to the subway (at the corner) and from one track to another. Unfortunately, I was not in running shoes. The shoes are fine, but my feet are a little worse from wear. (HUGE blisters on the balls of my feet. And I’ve been training for this! I hardly wear shoes! Feet- you should be tougher than this!)

Jeremy was super cool about me being late. As I told him the abridged version of my story he just chuckled and nodded in a causal way. This is China, he told me. Things are never easy. He told me about his apartment nightmares (being kicked out of an apartment he unknowingly subleased… it got ugly. The cops were involved) and we chatted about all else that is China. He knew even less Chinese coming here than I did, and he loves this city. There really is hope after all.

He was here 6 months and had thought about extending his visa for longer. He kept stressing that 3 months was such a short amount of time, and that I may want to extend it once its up. I’m not too sure about that right now… but we’ll see… maybe. After chatting for an hour and a half straight we departed around 9:00. I got off the subway around 10:15, and rounding the corner I came across a man who I could swear was sleepwalking…

Oh China, you amuse me sometimes.

Why hello Mr. Sawyer

So, I had my first encounter of the bug kind. Well, maybe that is not true. There were these tiny worms in my bathroom about a week ago that I have no idea where they came from. I have a European bathroom that doesn’t have a tub or a curtain so it’s a bit damp all the time, so the little worms were kind of expected. However, this is a matter all of its own.

A huge, reddish-brown beefy 2-inch long, quick, scurrying, flying, sawyer beetle was in my bathroom. Honestly, look that sucker up. Apparently they can get to be more than 3 inches long. I almost cried. I literally screamed.

I have to tell you, the walls of this apartment are pretty damn thin. I could hear the people in the hallway gasping and talking (yet I had no idea what they were saying) about the fact that I was screaming in my apartment. This is probably one of my most girl moments. I hate bugs.

But as much as I hate bugs, I didn’t want to kill it. As it scurried and hid under my toothpaste, it looked as terrified as I was… almost. I was far more panicked because it at least had enough sense to stay in one place while I was running around frantically trying to find something to catch it in. I didn’t want to harm the damn thing, I just wanted to get it out of my apartment! And what if I squished it? Would its babies come out and create 100,000 tiny sawyer beetles that will infest the apartment for the next 2 weeks I’m here?

This is why I need roommates… big strong male roommates that will just take a shoe and squish the threatening bugs before I can protest their right to live. Instead, I called my father and whined. He laughed at me and told me to kill it. Told me to pick up my shoe and kill it. So I did. I’m sorry Mr. Sawyer. Let it be a warning to your friends – do not mess with Dawn.

But now of course I feel like I have bugs crawling all over me. I inspected the entire apartment. To my naked eye I do not see any other of it’s kind or any other – thank god. But I still want to whine… so I did so to my dear friend Andy P (thank you for listening) and to Traci's wall and to all those out there on my Facebook who can read my status.

I hate bugs. Please let this be my last encounter with the big bug kind.

CPTO - work is a four letter word

…well that was interesting.

Today was my first day at work. As I got ready in my gray trousers and white button-up shirt, I wished there was someone here to tell me that I looked appropriate. Thankfully, I was able to get a good luck from Steve before I packed up my laptop and grabbed my blazer and walked out the door. I had no idea what to expect.

I walked the twenty paces to the other side of the parking lot and into the building next door. Probably the shortest commute of my life. I walked upstairs and shyly into room 511 where I would spend 9-5:30, 5 days a week. CTPO or China Trademark & Patent office would be my home away from home. Boy how I despise full-time jobs.

I meekly walked towards the half-filled room of Chinese workers and was greeted by a young man at the first row of desks. He greeted me in English and told me to sit down and set up my computer. He seemed very eager to meet me. His name was Libon Su and he is the assistant to the boss. Mr. Shen would be coming in a bit late and we were going to have a short meeting. Everyone in the small office basically stared at the foreigner that I’m sure they heard about. A very nice lady said hello and cleared out the drawers of the desk for me. She did not speak any English at all, and I was not confident in trying the few phrases that I knew on her.

So we sat, and we chit chatted. It turns out the Libon just started the Friday before, so he was as unclear as I was about exactly what we were supposed to be doing. He did not have a background in intellectual property, but he was told he would learn. I later found out that he was the replacement to the international department of the company. Because he was strong in English, he would head the correspondence to all our international clientele. As far as I could distinguish, I would be his assistant.

Its funny that when I first considered this internship at the patent office Teddy told me that it was the position that Nathaniel Hawthorne wrote the Scarlet Letter after his stint at the patent office in Boston. I think that he was just so damn bored the whole time that he had tons of time to think up the next great American novel. It is incredibly dull, as Libon likes to put it. However, I did get a Chinese name. Dai Chen Xi. Which is the sunshine in the morning… with a ‘D’ sound before it. Libon says its fitting. So folks, I’m officially Sunshine… :)

I went out to lunch with Mr. Shen and a few other employees. They are the friends of the boss. They took me to a delicious little Chinese restaurant right downstairs. We walked through the kitchen to the restaurant… not the most sanitary way to get to lunch. I had no idea what to order because everything was in characters. In order not to be rude, I forewent my vegetarian preferences. It is far too difficult to order anything vegetarian in China, especially if the meals are meant to share. We ate 宫保鸡丁 and 波罗固老柔 and 亩徐柔. And do you know what? It was really kung pao chicken, sweet and sour pork and mu shu chicken… typical Chinese food that you would find at Oriental Palace on Deer Park Avenue. I’m glad that I had to travel to the other side of the world to experience it. But I’m not complaining. It was good to be taken out by the boss and to have so many people willing to talk to me.

I met Sean and Shaw Shaw. I’m pretty sure Sean’s nickname (user name of QQ and MSN) had dawn in it… I was a little confused… and apparently Shaw Shaw is shy. They all messaged me on QQ (the AIM equivalent in China… apparently really popular) and I’m not sure if they were just being very friendly or hitting on me. They want to take me out to show me Shanghai and Libon is bringing me Chinese green tea tomorrow. They are all really sweet. Its exhausting trying to decipher what they are trying to say though. Although most of the time their English is very good, I have to be careful to speak very clearly and simply in order not to confuse them. (Maybe I should do this on a normal basis… I confuse enough native English speakers as it is). And as they admit, their pronunciation can be a little off. However, I thank they so greatly for being so friendly today. I’m exhausted but a little less lonely in this foreign city. Hopefully only more good days ahead of me.

Run, Forest, Run!

It seems that the world is changing... I ran today.

Ok, if you don't know, I hate running. Ok, maybe thats not quite right... my body hates running. My knees hurt. I can't breathe. I hurt myself and then can hardly walk for a month. Yeah, thats my body telling me that it hates running.

But I ran today. And it felt amazing.

Today was a crazy type of day. I felt good after finding a friend and exploring the city on my own. The weather was not so hot, and my apartment felt a little small, so I decided I'd try my luck with running. At 7pm the sun already set, but through experience I knew there were people on the streets. Its the only time that the humidity would allow for people to comfortably be outside... bugs or no bugs (and there aren't that many bugs). So I decided, what the hell - if my knees can take climbing the Great Wall of China then it can take a little jog... and it did... for I'd guess 2 miles... without stopping.

The world is changing... I am changing.

The French Concession - a little slice of the UK

Today I decided to explore the French Concession. I honestly did not know what to expect. It told me that there were picturesque stores, and tons of coffee shops. Unless I was in the wrong part of town, that is not what I found.

Walking on Huaihai Rd, I found huge shopping malls and name brands. I entered into one and found an English-language bookstore and a high-end deli. Now, I know I’m not in Kansas anymore. In the basement, there was a grocery store with all the good stuff from back home – not a single Chinese character on anything! I felt like I was transported to the UK! It was a real refreshing feeling to see so many things that I could find at home. Honey Nut Cheerios and Kraft Mac & Cheese. I fought my urge to buy everything… because as we know, illusions are not cheap! I would have to pay about twice as much to buy my Cheerios without characters on it… and I’m an intern on a budget. But when I need my Mac & Cheese, I now know where to go.

In other news, I made my first acquaintance. A friendly young fellow offered to help me with my bags from the grocery store. He recognized me from the apartment – apparently he lives just down the hall, room 648. I am 651. He was working in Canada for a year before he moved back to Shanghai not too long ago, so his English was very good. It was good to have someone to talk to on our way back to our respective apartments. Now, if I have an emergency, I at least have one friendly face to turn to around here, and his name is Cory. Wo xin pengyou Cory.

Happy Detachment

Have you ever wondered what you could do if you only concentrated? There is a Buddhist philosophy where if you just concentrate on something, and will it to be with detachment, then anything is possible. Detachment is key. If you are willing something to happen and concentrating on something, you’re likely to become miserable waiting for it to happen just like you wanted. Its like the watched pot that seems like it will never boil. Eventually the water will boil (as long as you remotely know how to use a stove) but it may not seem like exactly what you expected.

Anyway, I digress. I have all of these wants. For example, I want to be able to stand on my own two feet and thrive in a foreign country where the culture and the people are completely foreign to me. But what I get instead is a large accompaniment of friends and family members making sure I’m ok. Perhaps this is the universe’s (or my mother’s) way of ensuring that I keep to my feet.

Its not that I’m not grateful to both my mother and the universe; its more the principle of the matter. This was something that I wanted to do for myself on my own. I planned the trip, I financed it, and I’m dealing with my problems while I’m here. But now there is someone else to lean on other than myself. Perhaps that is where the detachment comes along in the Buddhist philosophy. In truth, I’m in China. I will be doing an internship that will hopefully lead to a job in a company that will perhaps bring me back to this amazing country one day. And I’m happy I’m here. And I am happy that I have the love of amazing friends and family to support me. So even though this is not how I planned, I’m glad for the experience and for the position I’m currently in. I'll detach from my idea of what this trip will be like, and embrace the random journey that we all are a part of.